...I'm awake in this world.
I know, I know. That sounds depressing. But for me, it isn’t.
I have vivid, lucid dreams. They often seem so real that I find myself in other worlds and time peiords. I travel to distant places, make new friends, and live entire lives that seem just as real as my waking one. Sometimes, I can even return to the same dream from the night before, picking up right where I left off.
My “real”, once chaotic life, is quiet now. And though I used to long for more, I’ve come to appreciate it. After all, I asked God for this peace long ago, and He is still working on my story. I haven’t reached the finish line yet. But one thing I do know: I enjoy dreaming (most of the time). I love to create imaginary worlds (like the one in my book, Novena) where things are safe, controlled, and stable. In those places, I don’t have to fear pain, abandonment, abuse, or rejection. Those things simply don’t exist there.
I know deep down that this isn’t the healthiest way to cope. And I’m working on it. But for over a decade, my dream world has been my comfort. When things were unbearable here, I would just retreat there into my dreams, into my writing and get lost.
But something has changed.
God has been slowly filling the emptiness that used to push me toward that escape. He has been my constant in my real life, and even in my dreams. No matter where I go, He finds me and stays with me.
“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.” -Psalm 139:7-10
I am so grateful for that. Because recently, in the past few weeks–in my anxiety–I’ve tried to return to the dream world, and I felt something I never had before:
Guilty.
Lonely.
For the first time, the vivid luxuries of my dreams weren’t enough. The comfort I once found in them was no longer there.
I missed God.
Because the truth is, it’s not the real world nor my dream worlds that bring peace. It’s God’s presence. And He is the only One I should rely on for comfort, for escape, for saving.
And oh, does He save.
Every time I find myself in a bind–lost, broken, or unsure–He is there to pull me out! He has never left me. If it weren’t for Him, I might have been lost in those worlds forever, avoiding reality, avoiding pain. But God reached out His mighty right hand and pulled me back into the truth.
And for the past few years, I’ve noticed something: His hand has never left me. Not once.
He will always be there. God still finds me, no matter where I go…
And He brings me home.
So if you don’t know Him, if you’ve never felt His presence, I urge you, please give Him a chance. God is beyond anything you could ever imagine and in every way. He is the One who saves. The One who heals. The One who stays—always.
And because of that (and so much more) I wouldn’t trade Him for all the dreams in the world.
Thank you for visiting RozieLand.com
As always:
I pray many many many many many many many many many many pray many many many many many many many many many many pray many many many many many many many many many many pray many many many many many many many many many many pray many many many many many many many many many many pray many many many many many many many many many many pray many many many many many many many many many many pray many many many many many many many blessings over you,
xxoo
Rosalyn Rose