…an unshakable faith that reaps results.
Right now, I don’t feel like I have that. I’m sorry for the low vibes I’ve been giving off. I usually bounce back sooner than this, but I’m worried about my entire future in this world. It feels like no matter how hard I try, I fail, and it doesn’t make sense. It makes me want to stop trying. But I know that isn’t an option if I want to survive.
Still, I’m tired of all the trauma. I’m tired of hoping and waiting for things that never come to pass. I doubt my faith, and I even doubt God right now. I feel like He just doesn’t care about me, even though I know deep down that isn’t true. But because of how long this painful season has been (years long) I’ve grown weary of holding on.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” -Proverbs 13:12
I feel like I’m losing my grip on God. Like I’ve somehow failed Him and don’t know how to make it right. I don’t know how to keep hanging on. But I am praying for God to help me–right away.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” -Psalm 34:18
I need divine miracles beyond my existence. I need to know that everything will be alright.
Right now, I don’t feel that way. And that thought alone makes me feel like a terrible person, even though I try to do right by others. I don’t know what else I can do. I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done to deserve this. I’ve really tried my best. I’m ready to go home to my Father and leave this place to those who fight so hard to betray others just to gain it.
Yet even in this, I know the truth:
“‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11
It’s hard to believe in the moment, but I have to trust that God sees what I can’t. I pray for a faith that won’t shake under the weight of these trials. I pray for strength to endure, knowing that my pain is not unnoticed by my Creator.
“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” -Psalm 30:5
Even now, as exhausted as I am, I will hold on. I will keep praying. I will trust that God is still working, even when I can’t see it.
“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” -Psalm 27:13-14
I pray this encourages you in some way. You are not alone and God is still with you, even in this dark place. Keep holding on. That’s what I’m doing, even if it’s by only a thread.
I love you, and I’m here for you.
I pray many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many blessings over you,
xo
Rosalyn Rose