...that I had never gotten physically involved with men.
I’ll be honest. I’ve only dated two men in my life so far. Even holding hands is a big deal for me. Some people might say that still makes me “pure,” but in reality, being with just two men doesn’t erase the weight of what I gave away. Sometimes, I deeply wish I had waited—waited for the right man, saved myself completely for him. At one point, I really thought I had. But I was wrong.
He proved that to me. And I’ll always remember that lesson so that it will never happen to me again.
It took me a long time to forgive myself—not just for being with him physically, but for trusting him so fully, for giving him both my heart and my body during that season. And then… for having that trust betrayed.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” — Psalm 147:3
Physically, I think I’m beautiful. Others have told me the same. But beauty is fleeting, and I’ve learned not to place my worth in how I look. I want to be loved for who I am on the inside—for my spirit, my heart, my faith, and my personality. I don’t want those parts of me to be ignored, taken for granted, or ghosted.
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” — Proverbs 31:30
So now, I’m saving myself—truly saving myself for the right man.
Who is he? I don’t know yet. I have a vague picture: he’ll be handsome in my eyes and, more importantly, a God-fearing man. I know what I don’t want, and I trust that God has been working on him just as He’s been working on me. Preparing both of us for the moment we finally meet.
I hope that day is soon. I’ve been waiting a long time.
Maybe when I meet him, I’ll just know. And while I can’t go back and undo my past, or change the fact that I mistook someone else for “the one,” I can move forward in hope. I trust that God sees my heart, sees my repentance, sees my desire to honor Him moving forward—and that He will lead the right man to me in His perfect timing.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” — Isaiah 43:18-19
More than anything, I want a man I can praise God with. A man I can pray with. Someone I can grow with spiritually and walk hand in hand with as we seek the Lord together.
Let’s see what God will do. I’m optimistic—scars and all.
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” — Psalm 37:4
“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.” — Lamentations 3:25
I pray many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many blessings over you!
xoxoxox
Rosalyn Rose