...in Heaven
If I could live somewhere else for a year, I would live in heaven. The thought of being in a place where there is no pain, no sorrow, no wickedness. It’s almost too beautiful to fully grasp. I doubt that after experiencing heaven, I would ever want to come back to this place. But even knowing that, I would still take that offer in a heartbeat. Because in heaven, evil does not exist. There’s no war, no death, no lies, no cheating, no abuse, no meanness, no greed, no despair. Heaven is a place of purity, where my Father lives, where true goodness, love, and peace reign.
It’s hard to fully understand the peace that is in heaven because I’ve never experienced anything like it here. This world is filled with so much suffering, and my soul longs for a place where that suffering doesn’t exist. I wish I never had to be here. My personality, my heart and my soul just don’t feel like they belong to this broken world. I’ve seen the worst of mankind: evil, betrayal, and cruelty even from those who claimed to love me. And yet, in this world, I still search for a connection, for someone who will understand me, someone who will love me as I am. But with each passing day, it seems that those connections are slipping further and further away.
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” -Revelation 21:4
In heaven, there is no more pain. I hold on to that promise because sometimes it’s hard to see past the hurt that seems to flood my life here. I can’t help but feel that I don’t belong in a world that is so filled with suffering. It’s as if I were meant for a different place, a place where love is pure and untainted, where I wouldn’t feel the weight of all that is wrong in this world.
If God were to take me today, I know that I would have no attachments to this place. I would miss no one because, honestly, I’ve never felt truly close to anyone. No one has allowed me to get close enough to miss them, and despite my deepest efforts, I have never been able to break through the walls that others have built. I’ve given up on that, on the idea of truly connecting with others. It’s become clear to me that this world is not my home.
“For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.” -Philippians 3:20
I love mankind, I do. But I’m so weary of being around them, especially in a world so full of corruption and pain. I long for a place where there is no wickedness, no hatred, no suffering. I long for the peace of heaven, where I can rest in God’s love and know that I am safe, protected, and cared for in a way that is impossible here.
I am ready to go home. I’ve often felt like a stranger in this world, as if I don’t quite belong, and heaven feels like the only place where I will truly feel at peace. This isn’t to say that I don’t still care about the people I’ve encountered here, but it’s just so hard to continue in a world that feels so distant and disconnected from the goodness that I know exists in God’s presence.
“But our hope is in the Lord. He is our help and our shield.” -Psalm 33:20
Even though I long for heaven, I am reminded that God has a purpose for me here, no matter how dark it feels at times. He is my help, and He is my shield. He sustains me through each day, even when the weight of this world feels too much to bear. And so, as much as I long for heaven, I will trust in God’s timing and His plan for my life, knowing that He has already promised me the peace and rest that I seek.
May God give me the strength to endure and the wisdom to know that, in His time, He will bring me home to where I truly belong.
I pray many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many blessings over you,
xo
Rosalyn Rose