...wouldn't paint them at all!
I wouldn’t add any color, any design, or any decoration. Instead, I would choose a complete change in scenery, a shift so dramatic that it feels like a fresh start; a new beginning far away from the life I’ve known. I long daily for that. I long to move my entire life, to leave behind the people, the situations and the struggles that have made life feel so heavy, disheartening and overwhelming.
I won’t pretend that I believe moving would bring me happiness, because deep down, I know that true happiness isn’t something that can be found in changing locations. But peace? Peace is another story. Sometimes, peace feels like the one thing that is truly elusive, especially when you’re surrounded by chaos, negativity, and people who seem to take more than their fair share of your kindness.
There are times when kindness is misunderstood. When you try to be compassionate, understanding, or giving, people don’t see it as a strength–they see it as weakness. To be kind is to be small and a target for abuse. They take advantage. It’s like they think you’re an easy target, someone they can push to the edge until there’s nothing left to give. It’s exhausting. It makes me want to retreat into isolation, never to open up again. It’s hard to keep giving when it feels like no one is truly there to give back.
I want to go somewhere far away, to a place where I don’t have to deal with people. I want to find peace, but I also want to find a place of refuge where I can be free from harm. I know that’s not a permanent solution. Peace isn’t about running away; it’s about finding the right heart and the right mindset to navigate this life, no matter where I am. But right now, that peace feels impossible.
I can’t help but think about the heaviness in my heart, the overwhelming weight of my struggles. I know that I’m not the only one who feels this way. We all go through periods of darkness, moments when we feel like we are carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders, when it’s hard to even get out of bed in the morning. And right now, I feel like I’m in that moment. But even in the darkness, I know that God has not abandoned me. He sees my struggles, and He understands the pain that I carry.
Turning to God in Dark Times
The beautiful thing about having faith is knowing that even in the darkest times, God is with us. He doesn’t promise that we won’t face hardship, but He does promise that He will be with us through it all. There’s a verse I turn to often when I’m struggling:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” -Psalm 34:18
In those moments when I feel crushed, when the weight of everything seems too much to bear, I remember that God is near. He is close to the brokenhearted, and He sees the pain that others may not understand. That’s a promise that brings me comfort when I feel alone.
It’s easy to think that if we just change our circumstances, everything will be better. But I’m learning that true peace doesn’t come from external changes. True peace comes from God. When I’m struggling with feelings of isolation or loneliness, I turn to His Word to remind myself of His presence. He promises to give us peace that surpasses all understanding:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:6-7
This is my prayer right now to find peace, not through escaping the world, but through embracing God’s peace in the midst of it. I’m asking Him to help me navigate this dark period and give me exactly what I need in this moment. I know I can’t do it on my own, and I don’t have to. God is here, and He is faithful.
The Need for Strength and Guidance
As I continue to share my thoughts and feelings here, even when they feel unpolished or imperfect, I pray that you will understand. This is where I am right now. I don’t have all the answers. I don’t have all the strength. But I trust that God will provide. I may not be able to paint the walls of my life the way I want to today, but I know that God is working behind the scenes, preparing something beautiful out of all the pain.
Even in moments of despair, I know that God is faithful to bring light into the darkness. And as I go through this journey, I lean on the truth that He has a plan for me, and He has a plan for each of us, even when it’s hard to see through the storm.
“For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11
I trust in that promise. I know that this dark period won’t last forever. And when it feels like I can’t go on, I turn to God, who is the source of my strength and peace. I pray that He will guide me, protect me, and provide me with the support I need in this season of life. And I pray that He will do the same for you, no matter where you are in your journey.
May we all find our peace in Him.
Amen.
I pray many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many blessings over you,
xoxo
Rosalyn Rose