I wish [God] could have been with me when I [was heartbroken].
Spoiler Alert: He was. I just didn’t know it yet.
You’re still hanging around? Wow, I’m impressed.
Welcome back to The Human Abstract Gallery.
I’m Rosalyn, the creator of this secret little space.
Today, I’d like to share a brief personal story with you. I was hesitant to do so, but God assured me that it’s what He wanted me to do. So…
Heartbreak & Soul Wounds
There was a time not so long ago, that I once knew a man I thought I could trust. I met him when I was very young and we dated (lived together) for many many years. Things weren’t always perfect. We had some bad arguments, but we also had many wonderful memories worth cherishing. At least I thought we did.
We were married in the summer of 2016, and then moved to his home country right after because that’s what he wanted to do. I didn’t really have much control over anything, neither did I really have a say so if I wanted to be with him. It was usually his way or no way, I guess, looking back now. That’s how it always seemed to be. I never felt like I could be accepted for who I really was with him and when I think back, I don’t know if he ever even liked me, let alone love or care for me. I stayed with him because I thought my feelings were mutual.
I really wanted a family and after marriage I looked forward to finally starting one. But there was a lot of stress. I was living in a foreign country was experiencing culture shock as well as trying to adjust to married life. I tried so hard to communicate that with him, but it just seemed to go on deaf ears. It’s just seemed as though it made him angry for me to tell him that I felt that way. I wish he would’ve helped me instead of get angry. We had some silly argument I can’t even remember, and I bought a ticket to my mother’s home in the USA (he set up the flight). After that, he didn’t even make an effort to try and make up with me. He was set on moving on without me; without telling me.
He strung me along for many many years, telling me he didn’t want a divorce etc., but never making any moves. I helped my mother and grandmother a lot during that time, and I waited patiently at my mother’s house for him to realize how silly all of this was. He never did. He seemed bent on betraying me in front of his family and friends. And that’s exactly what happened.
I suppose he didn’t have any use for his wife and he just disappeared, blocking me out of his life, without any explanation. I never every cheated. I kept my vows; I waited. But it was all in vain. When I finally got a hold on him via a phone he forgot to block me, he pretended not to even know me—HIS OWN LONGTERM PARTNER AND WIFE–hanging up twice.
Saying I was deeply devastated is an extreme understatement. I felt like a waste of human space; like trash to him. No matter what I did, he never thought I was ever good enough for his love, or even basic human decency. Why marry someone that you feel so negatively about. Why marry someone you don’t love? No wife should feel the way I did. We lived together for many years before getting married. He had time to get to know if he wanted to marry me or not. And he made the choice to stay with me and become my husband. Marriage is not a game. It isn’t something you can put on and take off, or switch people whenever you want.
More than ever, I’ve noticed so many people nowadays marrying over and over again for wrong/selfish reasons. They marry, knowing for them: it has nothing to do with really caring about the person you married at all. Some other agenda drives this action. For some, it’s even about winning against them, whatever that means. I know love and marriage isn’t about any of these sorts of things–AT ALL.
What does God think about marriage? Well, to Him, it’s sacred.
- It’s a God-ordained union (that’s why it usually takes place in church):
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become on flesh.” -Genesis 2:24
-This verse establishes marriage as a lifelong, intimate, and sacred union between a man and a women.
2. Marriage reflects Christ’s relationship with the Church:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. in this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.” -Ephesians 5:25-28
-This passage highlights God’s selfless love and care that should characterize marriage, likening it to Christ’s sacrificial love for His people.
3. Marriage is a covenant before God:
“The Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is you partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.” -Malachi 2:14
-Marriage is not just a human contract but a sacred covenant witnessed and honored by God.
4. Marriage is to be honored:
“Marriage should one honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” -Hebrews 13:4
-This verse emphasizes the importance of fidelity and purity in marriage.
5. Marriage provides companionship:
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has not one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” -Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
-This passage highlights the value of partnership, support, and the role of God as the third strand in a strong marriage.
6. Marriage is intended for a lifetime:
“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” -Matthew 19:6
-Jesus reinforces the permanence and sanctity of marriage.
So what does God think of an abused marriage? Take a gander just below. His answers are what began to set me free. Because it had proven to be true:
1. Adultery is destructive:
“But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away.” -Proverbs 6:32-34
-This very highlights the self-destructive and shameful consequences of adultery.
2. Adultery begins in the heart:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery wit her in his heart.” -Matthew 5:28
-Jesus expands the definition of adultery to include not just the physical act but also lustful thoughts and intentions.
3. God calls for repentance and forgiveness:
“Jesus straightened up and asked her, ‘Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’ ‘No one, sir,’ she said. ‘Then neither do I condemn you,’ Jesus declared. ‘Go now and leave your life of sin.'” -John 8:10-11
-When Jesus forgave the woman caught in adultery, He emphasized both grace and the call to turn away from sin.
4. Adultery violates the marriage covenant:
“The Lord is the witness between you and the wife of you youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.”
-Adultery is a betrayal of the sacred covenant of marriage, which God witnesses and honors.
5. Adultery defiles the body:
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside of the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” -1 Corinthians
-Sexual sin, including adultery, defiles the body, which is meant to glorify God.
6. The Abandoned spouse:
“Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because He no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from you hands. 14 You ask, ‘Why?’ It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of you marriage covenant. 16 Has not the one God made you? You belong to Him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth 16 “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.” – Malachi 2:13-16
For a very long time, I grieved; deeply. The person I thought was my very best friend…well, I’m not even sure if that person was even real or if it was all some act; someone only pretending to like me. I was so confused because I thought he really loved me all those years. I thought he really truly cared about me and valued me. I thought being a part of my life was something he was vowing to do no matter what. I thought he liked being a part of my life.
But he lied. Then he ran away. I felt so alone and no one was around to be there for me. He abandoned me at my lowest point and never ONCE looked back. He didn’t even bother to get a divorce, he just left me to pick up the pieces by myself. I would NEVER do that to him or anyone. I was waiting all that time to make up over a silly fight that wasn’t worth losing all those years and a person I really loved and cared about.
Yes, I went to my mother’s house after an argument, but I’m from another country; they live far away. I tried to made up many many times. I never abandoned him when he went to see his family, and he did that often over the years when we dated, sometimes in ways that made things much harder in my life. I always forgave and tried to grow from it.
When a husband and wife fight, a large part of the relationship is learning how to use FORGIVENESS: making up and growing together from the experience, not replacing them while you’re still legally bound, never actually taking the time to sit and talk about it like mature adults. It isn’t that difficult.
But I was naive. I don’t have a whole lot of dating experience (nearly none to be honest). I was never the type to jump into intimate physical experiences with a list of people, even in my loneliest moments where I needed someone. With God’s help, I’ve held my virtue for a special man; a very special one. He would never do any the things that I’ve explained earlier in this post. And if he did have an off moment or we were in an argument, we’ll come back together after a breath, finding our own faults and forgiving each other. That’s what you do when you really care and don’t want to lose or miss out on each other. No argument is worth throwing away years of knowing someone, let alone a marriage. I truly believe in those values and I always will. That quality of mine was taken advantage of in the past, and so was my astute loyalty. Unfortunately, because of that experience, things were very difficult for me for a long time.
But GOD was there. He saw the whole thing. He saw came to meet me at my lowest, when I was all alone.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:18
He was the only one who could save me from that despair.
He heals the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds. -Psalm 147:3
And he did! He covered me with his feathers:
He will cover you with His features, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. -Psalm 91:4
Right away, he showed me the truth about the man I married. It hurt deeply, but God didn’t let me stay that way. As I went through the motions, God held me close. He whispered such sweet, kind, loving words to me; revealing the truth of who I really am, who he designed me to be. He didn’t let me become bitter or angry or vengeful. That’s not who I am. He told me that I was wonderfully made:
I praise You because I am fearful and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. -Psalm 139:14
“But I love and care about people,” I told Him.
“So, then, love and care about people,” God said.
He gave the command and permission to be myself; to refine it even.
So, I will LOVE! I will keep praying for those who hate me, because I truly love them! And God has shown me how to do it in all circumstances. He did it first to show me.
God is my peace. Whenever I’m in commune with Him, everything is perfect; literally. He just seems to have that effect. Maybe you’ve experience it for yourself. For me, he fills me up with so much love that nothing else matters. The pain dissipates and I understand that I didn’t deserve how I was treated by the man who married me.
It was very wrong.
What did he do that made him completely abandon me? Well, that’s something he’ll have to answer to God about as well as live with: he lied to someone he strung along, never divorced to pursue something else he felt was more important.
I personally wouldn’t want to start a relationship in that manner. I couldn’t imagine knowingly being with someone who abandoned their spouse and is still married.
To me, it seems like such an unnecessary mess. It seems like there a lot of deeply rooted issues in a person who is capable of doing that. It’s so strange how someone can spend that much time with someone just to abandon them and never see them again – by choice.
I can’t imagine throwing away a human being from my life that truly loved me; let alone a spouse.
Still, things are different now. I nolonger feel the way he tried to treat me. I understand how unfair things were for me back then. I didn’t stand a chance, because he didn’t really give me one; most likely from the very beginning. He was too emotionally guarded and seemed to always focused on getting; never just appreciating what was right in front of him. He didn’t have to lied to cheat on anyone to be with me. With me, he had an honor, true love. I guess that just wasn’t special enough for him. I used to hurt a lot over that because I felt very used.
But, God is here, and He showed me how what to do. Through a lot of praying, word reading and fasting, I finally got my the answer I needed. It was simply this:
He told me to let him go.
The man wanted so badly to get away that he made a big mess in someone’s life after spending years in it. Why not give him what he wants? Why not let him have that? It made me very sad, but God reassured me that I was on the right path:
“But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.” -1 Corinthians 7:15
It was completely out of my hands. I did everything I could. Everything. He married me, but he wasn’t serious. There was some other reason why he married me that has nothing at all to do with loving me for who I am. And when he left out of nowhere, it didn’t have anything to do with love even then. Even if he never loved me, they way I was treated just seems very selfish, heartless and careless. I won’t ever truly understand what that relationship even was, because I thought very differently than what it actually was–for him.
But I really trust God and His ways. It never fails me. I spend a lot of time just listening to God now. He lets me know if a person has bad intension for me. I follow His directions, which only seems to make our relationship stronger. He’s taken care of me through the worst storm of my life when so many who said they cared were nowhere to be found. Some even tried to kick me when I was down. It was very eye-opening and I’m glad to know the true now.
So, for this reason, my undying loyalty forever is with the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob (Israel). He saved me. He loved me back to health, and I didn’t have to use someone to do it! I was able to find wholeness–even after he tried to crush my life–within myself. I forgave him before I ever got on that plane. I was just waiting for him to do the same. I guess his pride wouldn’t allow it. I suppose, to him, I’m unworthy of forgiveness and reconciliation. But…
God says that I am forgiven and I’m worthy!
Keep in mind, all I did was take a plane to see my parents…I was punished for years and then abandoned over some argument from years ago. So let this be a lesson to you out there: be careful who you choose to date. Involve God in your life choices–PRAY–and He will guide your steps. You’ll never know what a person is really feeling about you deep inside. Always ask God about everything. He will remove the man (or woman) before he/she has the chance to use you and throw you away in front of his/her family. And even if you were too naive and trusting to have prevented it, forgive yourself. Cherish the fact that you truly loved someone. That what you gave was real. That’s all that’s in your control anyway. You can’t make someone love you, and you can’t make someone treat you right, be truthful and loyal either. But, you do have God who will always be with you; to help you.
That man I married back then used to say often: “Love isn’t enough.” But when he left me, God came in and told me this:
“Love never fails.” -Corinthians 13:8
I will never forget that. It’s exactly what Jesus did on the cross for us. For a long time I didn’t understand what His dying even meant when it comes to our lives. However, I now understand that it has everything to do with it. This verse reflects Jesus‘ teaching on the ultimate act of love and self-sacrifice, which He Himself demonstrated through His death for humanity. I will believe the words of someone like that, a being willing to work and grow with me, knowing I am imperfect, but loving me regardless for who I am; a true vow of commitment. I will carry that in my heart for the rest of my life, and I hope these words have aided you in some way. When I was so low, God came to my rescue and loved me back to health, ensuring me that it wasn’t all in vain and to trust Him. And I do. I really do:
Come to me, all you who are wary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon ou and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for you souls. For my yoke is bay and my burden is light. -Matthew 11:28-30
Maybe the man I married buried and forgot about me a long time ago. But, God…He remembers me always.
“He remembered us in our low estate: His love endures forever.” -Psalm 136:23
“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; you walls are ever before me.” -Isaiah 49:15-16
“God heard their groaning and He remembered His covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. So God looked on the Israelites and was concerned about them.” -Exodus 2:24-25
“Then those who who feared the Lord talked with each other, and the Lord listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in His presence concerning those who feared the Lord and honored His name.” -Malachi 3:16
“He has helped His servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever, just as He promised our ancestors.” -Luke 1:54-55
He never leaves or forsakes me – EVER:
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” -Deuteronomy 31:6
“…God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'” -Hebrews 13:5
My favorite part about God: His love.
It is real, true, original love:
Nothing Can Separate Us from God’s Love
31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.
35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:31-39
God is beautiful. I love His heart. It brings me so much peace in my days. He has shown me real love, and He has shown me how to love even people who hate me. I am grateful to Him for all He has done for me. In the end, that heartache lead me to my creator in a way that I cannot truly describe in words. If you know God, you know what I mean.
Thank you so much to reading my “love” story, and of course for visiting RozieLand!
I pray many many many blessings over you,
xoxo
Rosalyn Rose