…my self-criticism.
Ayooo! Welcome back to RozieLand!
This prompt got me thinking, and after all of that thinking, I decided to make a change. I think one of my biggest problems is that I am and have been WAY too hard on myself. The world certainly doesn’t make liking myself easy. But, I had to take a day to really think about why I criticize myself so much throughout my life. I came to the conclusion that I wanted people to like me; I wanted to belong. I didn’t want to cause any trouble to anyone, nor disappoint, and I felt as though I did whenever I made a “mistake”.
Many people in my past had capitalized on this aspect of my character, which stinks, but I suppose—in order to take away something positive from that—it all lead me to the point of truly loving myself.
”For am I now seeking the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” —Galatians 1:10
From Self-Criticism to Self-Love
Up until a few years ago, I didn’t really like myself much. I didn’t like myself because others didn’t like me. I thought there was something wrong because people seemed to almost despise me, even when I said and did nothing at all! I thought to myself: it must be because I’m nothing special. It eventually became: “It’s always my fault” or “I can’t do anything right”. And there were people there to confirm it. I felt inadequate. Sometimes I would just make myself so small, as to not be that to others. And even then, I would still be the “problem” at times.
But not everyone was/is that way to me, and they helped shed light on reality.
“You’re actually the kindest person I’ve ever met,”
…a co-worker told me, as I was leaving a job that not longer served me. The entire following year, I received text messages from others at that job who checked in, informing me of how it wasn’t the same since I’d left. When I’d see former students on in the neighborhood, I was always recognized and hugged. It felt really nice to be missed; appreciated.
“You’re so pretty,”
…friend from Bible study said. She was referring to my character, though she also complimented my outward appearance when I sent a profile picture for a company logo.
“You’re such a sweet friend,”
…said one of my dearest friends; someone who was there for me when I was drowning in life. She saw me drifting with the tide, and by the grace of God, she reached in and pulled me out! You know who you are! I love you!
”But God show his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” —Romans 5:8
A few years ago, I stopped listening or caring about what other people said and thought, or how they wanted to treat me. I started really looking at myself in the mirror (inside and out). Of course there was a lot to work on when it comes to my character, but I started by understanding that I’m not as bad as I thought I was. I started appreciating things about myself; productive things that made me, me. I started making a list one day, and here are 3 simple qualities (out of many) that I’d discovered:
1.I am beautiful, inside and out:
”You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.” —Song of Solomon 4:7
2.I am very kind, even towards people who seemed to hate me:
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” —Ephesians 4:32
3.I am resilient and capable of growth:
”Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” —Romans 5:3-4
Despite the challenges, the self-doubt, and the external negativity, I’ve always found a way to keep moving forward. I didn’t give up on myself, even when everyone else did, even when it would’ve been the easiest thing to do. I allowed my pain to teach me, and I’m stronger for it.
It’s funny how once I let go of the lies I believed about myself, I started seeing the truth: I’m not perfect, but I am enough. I’m still learning to love and trust myself fully, but I’ve come a long way. And that’s worth celebrating!
”I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” —Psalm 139:14
Now, it’s your turn! Brainstorm, and be honest with yourself:
What’s your biggest flaw? How are you learning to embrace it?
I pray many many many many many many many many many many many many blessings!
xoxo
Rosalyn Rose