…the train rumbling on the tracks.
I’m headed out, and all of a sudden, everything in my life has gotten overwhelmingly busy. But I am tired. My soul is tired… so is my heart and mind.
Last night, I had a haunting, heartbreaking dream—one connected to one of the most traumatizing events of my life. I’ve tried so hard to feel better, to heal, but I’m still unable. I’ve forgiven everyone—even the ones who still try to hurt me today—but I’m so deeply tired of carrying all this.
I keep hoping for a better future, but I’m getting older. I’m lonely. And these train tracks, heading somewhere and nowhere all at once, only make the ache louder. Everything seems so pointless now. I wonder: is there any meaning to it all, aside from it being a test? I don’t have peace. And I’m tired of hoping for it. I’m tired of trying. Some days, I just wish God would take me home already.
This world doesn’t seem to want me in it. So what’s the point?
“My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’” – Psalm 42:3
“I am forgotten as though I were dead; I have become like broken pottery.” – Psalm 31:12
But even in this, even in the ache, there is still this flicker of truth I cannot deny:
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18
Even though I don’t feel whole… even though I’m exhausted beyond words… He is still here. Watching. Holding. Listening.
“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” – Isaiah 46:4
And somehow, even when everything else fails, He remains my strength.
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. – Psalm 73:26
I don’t have peace yet, but He promises rest.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28
And though I feel defeated, I’m still here. Still standing. Still breathing.
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” – 2 Corinthians 4:8–9
So even now, with this train rattling beneath me and a heavy heart inside me… I will keep going. I will keep hoping.
Because even when I can’t feel Him, I know God hasn’t left me. I know He’s still writing my story—even in the chapters that feel dark.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11
And one day, He will bring me to that place where every tear will be wiped away. Until then, I press on.
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain…” – Revelation 21:4
I don’t know what the rest of my life has to offer, but either way, I’m holding on–clinging–to God, for He is my only hope and The One I trust.
Thank you for visiting my gallery today.
I pray many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many blessings over you.
xxx
Rosalyn Rose